


I promise you I ain't afraid

by bradfordswoody



Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious Liam, Oblivious Zayn, Smut, more tags added later probably, morning after au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-10
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-05-13 00:03:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5686768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bradfordswoody/pseuds/bradfordswoody
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He’s worried, admittedly, because it’s obvious that Zayn doesn’t want Liam in the same way that he wants Zayn. At this point, he’s so desperate for Zayn, he’d take anything the other boy offered to him."</p><p>(or a morning after [new year's eve] au where Zayn and Liam start off 2016 with a nice fuck and horrible communication despite being best friends)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone is willing to read this,
> 
> Hello! 
> 
> This is the beginning of a little fic idea that came to me the day after New Year's so my apologies for the tardiness. This is an un-beta'd work in progress so please keep an open mind. 
> 
> Later on you'll soon realize that the timeline is completely fucked because I obviously have no perception of reality so... there's that. 
> 
> Please enjoy xx  
> Song title taken from 'Dive' by Usher.
> 
> p.s. Ruth Payne confirmed ziam the other day and I'm still trying to recover

Liam slowly peeled his eyes open, the warmth of the sun filtering through the gap in the curtain across his face. He tried to blink the drowsiness from his eyes and stretched his arms high above his head, regaining control over his muscles. He sat up in bed, the sheets draped over his torso falling to cover just above his hips. The throbbing in the back of his skull was only slight, but still there, grateful that he didn’t drink as much as last New Year and that Zayn made him drink a glass of water before they fell asleep.

Zayn.

 _Oh god_ , Liam internally groans. He surveys the familiar room around him, noticing the drawings that hang on the walls that aren’t his and the pile of clothes thrown carelessly in front of Zayn’s closet before he looks to his right to see said boy lying peacefully, inky hair splayed across his forehead and lips slightly parted with little snores escaping. The same lips that stretched so nicely around Liam’s cock the night before–

Liam needs to get the hell out of there. He quickly throws the comforter off of him and hurries to the pile of clothes, hissing when the cold floor reaches his bare feet. He locates his pants and slips them on quickly, then a pair of sweats, one that he thinks is his that Zayn nicked from him, and his shirt to follow. He reaches for the handle on the door when Zayn stirs behind him. Zayn mumbles something incoherent, rolls over to his other side and buries his face into his pillow once more. Liam lets out a sigh of relief and closes the door quietly behind him, careful to not disturb Zayn again. He hurries past the living room with a sleeping Harry passed out on the couch, his gangly limbs dangling off the edge. He slips on his shoes at the door, almost knocking into the dining table while doing so. He thinks about leaving a note there, maybe wishing them both a Happy New Year but–

He closes the door behind him and calls a cab to take him home.

–

When Liam enters his flat the door almost slams behind him in his rush as he runs to his room with his hands shaking. He rips off his clothes and jumps in to the shower. He rubs his face to wipe away the sweat from last night and lets the hot water sting his skin as he tries to relieve the tension in his shoulders. Liam rests his head against the tile and resists the urge to pound his fists against the shower wall.

It isn’t working at all. The water makes body flush all over and feels so warm against his skin that all he can think about is _ZaynZaynZayn_. The rough hands that gripped Liam’s back, the soft thighs that wrapped around his waist, the taste of Zayn’s skin on Liam’s lips. Liam groans when he feels his dick twitch in interest. He slides a hand across his chest, grazing over his nipples that are already hard and down his stomach clenching with anticipation. He shakes his head, the shower doing the opposite of what he intended it to do. He’s too far gone to stop it now.

Liam wraps his hand around the base of his semi-hard cock and gives it a tight squeeze to relieve some of the pressure. He’s convinced that if he just has a quick wank then it’ll get everything out of his system and he won’t think about fucking Zayn ever again. That’ll definitely work. For now though, his mind fills with thoughts about Zayn, squirming underneath him, his fingers gripping the sheets around him and Liam’s grip on his aching dick tightens. He releases a small moan and slowly moves his hand up and down his now fully hard cock. The pressure in his skull starts to build and all he can hear is Zayn’s filthy mouth, begging Liam to fuck him hard, bringing Liam so close to the edge before he even entered Zayn. The noises Zayn made, Liam moves faster along his dick twisting and pulling the foreskin to tease the angry red crown. Zayn had whimpered so prettily when Liam first entered him, and let out a moan he’s sure Zayn’s neighbors heard when he bottomed out. Liam rubs the tip with his thumb, teases the slit that continuously leaks and goes back to pulling on his cock. His breathing is labored, remembering the sound of his hips slamming into Zayn’s arse and their heavy panting mixing together in the room until Zayn threw his head back with his eyes shut and mouth open in a silent scream as he came and clenched so tight around Liam–

Liam swears and shakes as he cums, painting the shower tile white. He lets the water wash the mess away as he catches his breath. Liam stands there and rinses off for a moment longer before he turns the water off, grabs a towel, and steps out of the shower. Liam walks into his bedroom with his towel around his waist, hair curling and dripping over his face, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt. He pulls on a different pair of pants and flops down onto his bed, feeling like a traitor for wanking to thoughts of his best mate, which is ridiculous because they did things so much worse the night before. Liam groans again, this time out of frustration and he really just wants to scream into his pillow. Instead, he pulls the duvet back over him and tries to fall back asleep.

–

When Liam wakes again hours later it’s to the ring of his phone lost somewhere in the clothes he discarded earlier. He hesitates to answer once he finds it, scared that it’s Zayn who he’s not entirely prepared to give Zayn an explanation as to why he left his house so early in the morning without saying goodbye. He’s not sure he has one. He answers anyway, relieved when he hears the boisterous laughter of Louis on the other end.

“Leemo,” Louis says. Louis who was lucky enough to spend the holidays with his family, same as Niall, while Liam, Harry, and Zayn where forced to stay in London until they could save up until the spring. Liam can see the grin on his mates face despite the distance between them. He hums his greeting in response. “Just calling to wish you Happy New Year. Hope you and the lads are doing well. Hope you got spectacularly drunk to start of right. I’m having a good time up here, the girls and mum wish you well.” Liam nods, a small smile creeping over his face at the mention of Louis family and the easiness he feels when taking to his friend.

“Yeah, yeah, had a few drinks with the lads. A proper celebration down at the pub with the rest of the lonely bastards of London. All in true Tommo fashion, I reckon.” Liam chuckles and Louis scoffs indignantly.

“Mind you Liam, I have a bit more class than that. Enough to get me a proper shag, unlike you,” Louis remarks. Liam doesn’t try to hold back his laugh.

“I think they call that trashy. Maybe even a little desperate,” Liam shoots back.

“I’ll have you know Payne, that there is nothing trashy about this arse. You’re just jealous that you didn’t get that midnight kiss you’ve always dreamed of with Mr. I-smoke-more-than-any-other-human-being-but-I-still-look-flawless Malik?" Liam hopes that one day he figures out a way to strangle Louis through the phone instead of waiting for them to be together in person.

“Well, I’ll have you know Louis that I did, um,” Liam coughs a little, “ kiss him." He hears Louis' cackle on the other end. "It just happened alright. Don’t ask me how but it did.”

“Well fuck me Payno, you actually grew a pair and did something for once in your life,” Louis practically shouts at him through the receiver. “I take it back then, I’m probably not the one that you want to fuck am I right?” Louis laughs again and Liam growls a little.

“That’s where there's a bit of a problem," he sighs. "I know I should have stopped at a kiss, like a quick peck on the lips and laughed it off later, but I just couldn’t stop. We both had a little too much and then he was kissing back, and just, there was no way I was gonna stop there mate and then, I guess it just went from there.”

“Holy fuck mate,” Louis says. Liam rolls his eyes even though he knows Louis won’t see it. “That doesn't sound like much of a problem to me. It’s about time man, I’m proud of you two. So when’s the wedding?” Liam let’s out a choked noise and Louis laughs louder.

“What?” Liam exclaims. “No, there is no wedding Louis you know that.”

“Are you telling me that after you brilliantly shagged Malik you didn’t take him out and spoil him with your affections or whatever? Bought him a coffee and argued over the name of your firstborn?” Liam hates how smug Louis sounds.

“No I didn’t buy him coffee. I left before he woke up, didn’t feel like mucking things up between us,” Liam huffs out. The silence on the line makes him squirm.

“So you’re telling me you kiss Malik, he kisses you back, you two fuck, and then you leave like nothing ever happened?” Liam nods but stays silent, sure that Louis senses it anyway. “Why the fuck would you do that you idiot?”

“Because he would hate me once he realized what we did together! I’m not gonna lose my best friend because I was stupid.”

“You’re being stupid now. Just because you’re not there doesn’t mean he’s going to forget it. Zayn cares about you too much to lose you anyway.”

“Look Louis, it was a one time thing. We got caught up in the moment, it’s been a while for both of us and Zayn probably doesn’t want it to happen again.” Liam walks to his kitchen and starts making himself tea, the throbbing in his skull returning.

“Oh yeah, who said that, you or Zayn? You wouldn’t know.” Liam feels a quick pang in his chest. “And unlike you Liam, I’m not blind. For years, the rest of us have had to suffer through the both of you being bloody inseparable. I had to listen Zayn practically write poetry about your biceps for fucks sake!”

“Just because I’ve like him for years doesn’t mean he likes me back.”

“Yes it does Liam! He likes you too but your head is too far up his ass to even notice.” Liam sighs and he hears Louis do the same thing.

“Listen Louis–”

“No you listen Liam. The only thing you could do to muck this up is to ignore it. You have a chance now. All you have to do is take it, or else me, Haz, and Ni are going to have to spend the rest of our lives watching the both of you being moody and listening to your complaining about how much your lives suck and you’re both going to die alone. So just talk to him.” With that Louis hangs up, leaving Liam with his freshly poured cuppa and an ache deep in his chest. Liam decides to watch some television and sip on his tea. He flips to a random channel, nothing really catching his eye, but gets distracted soon. 

He can’t stop thinking about Zayn. Louis is right about how much Liam likes him. He’d give everything to be Zayn’s everything, but they were friends first. And Liam would die if he lost that, no matter how much he wants it to be more. He’d settle in the "friend zone" forever if it meant keeping Zayn in his life. Liam would like to think that even he had just jeopardized everything, Zayn had loved him enough as a friend that they would bounce back. 

They’ve been tucked into each other’s sides longer than Liam can remember, since primary school all the way to university up to their adulthood, ignoring bills that really shouldn’t be tossed aside. Young lads stifling giggles into their shoulders, twining pinkies together and stumbling down the sidewalk. 

Now they're older, still stumbling down the sidewalk drunk off their arses and leaning on each other like their lives depended on it. Somewhere along the way Liam was able to pinpoint why his head floated all the way up to the clouds whenever Zayn was near him. Between pinching each other’s sides to stay up late chatting shit and Liam sliding an arm around Zayn’s shoulders to keep him warm when he forgets his coat.

He’s so in love with Zayn it’s mad. It’s like a second nature for him. So natural, the way they fell into each other and Liam thinks it’s sort of beautiful and the right kind of poetic. But in the same sense of cliché it’s awfully tragic, falling for your best mate like one of those romantic movies his older sisters made him watch when they were younger. But this isn’t a movie, Liam thinks. In real life, there’s no such thing as happy endings.

Liam is pulled out of his head when his phone buzzes against the table, glowing with a text from Zayn asking him to come over for a film. Liam only hesitates a moment before turning off his phone completely.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised you soon and I hope I delivered. Thanks to those of you who are even remotely interested in this story.
> 
> I forgot to mention this in the first chapter the way I usually do, though it's implied. I DO NOT own One Direction and/or Zayn Malik. This is a work of pure fiction. 
> 
> Enjoy xx

Liam isn’t exactly avoiding Zayn. He’s just working up the courage to speak to him. Though when he thinks about it, he wants to hit himself upside the head because since when was he ever afraid to talk to Zayn? His best mate, the one person he can spend hours talking to about nothing and everything. The person he trusts his life with and yet, Liam knows that if he were to hang out with Zayn again, he’d spend the majority of the conversation just staring at the other boy instead of listening like a good friend should It’s would ultimately make everything awkward, which is exactly what Liam’s trying to avoid.

He already said he was sick. Zayn didn’t ask him to hang out but he texted Liam to check up on him every once in a while so Liam stayed holed up in his flat. Then for a few days he pretended to not be by his phone whenever Zayn called, only responding hours later. Then it was time for them both to get back to work. Zayn texted less but would always ask if he were free one afternoon or the next. Liam would say that he had picked up and extra shift in order to save up, and Zayn always understood. When Louis came back from his trip he took one look at Liam and hit him in the stomach with a pillow. Things went back to normal after that.

 As normal as it could be, what with Liam and Zayn not spending proper amounts of time together in weeks. Liam’s starting to feel the affects of not being near Zayn in so long, missing his arms wrapped around him and the light, airy feeling of his laughter and Liam knows it’s his fault. He’s the one that keeps making up excuses. He just misses his best friend. He’s miserable and he knows he’s making Zayn miserable too if the amount of sad faces that Zayn sends in his texts when Liam declines his invitation to hang out, the fifth time that week, is any indication. It’s not a surprise that Louis notices as well. 

“We’re going out,” Louis says from the couch once Liam comes through the door. He sees Louis dressed in tight pants and a grey button-up rolled up to his elbows, his ‘I’m trying but you don’t need to know that look’. He sighs, fumbling with his shoes at the door trying to come up with another excuse. It’s all he seems to be doing lately.

 “But I just got home from work.” 

“We’re not supposed to meet the rest of the lads for another 2 hours so you have plenty of time to make yourself presentable,” Louis says, not even taking his eyes off of the television playing in front of him.

 “What if I don’t want to go out tonight?” It’s a rhetorical question. Louis gets what Louis wants, always.

 “And waste away here in our flat? In nothing but your boxers and eating leftovers while watching another Batman marathon?” When Louis turns to look at him, Liam gives him a slight nod. “Well that’s boring and I’m not about to let my mate be boring. Speaking of mates don’t you want to spend time with them?”

 “Yeah of course but–”

“I mean it feels like forever since we’ve proper hung out together. Especially Zayn, it feels like I haven’t spent time with Zayn in ages,” Louis continues on. “What about you Liam, don’t you feel like you haven’t seen Zayn in ages?”

Liam cringes a little. An overwhelming sense of guilt rushes over him, not for the first time in the past month. But he knows what Louis trying to do, and Liam is just not in the mood for it tonight. 

“Not really no,” Liam says walking past the couch, swatting the air in Louis direction, into the kitchen to make himself a glass of water. “Feels like I saw him yesterday.” He wants to pat himself on the back for keeping his voice relatively calm. 

“Funny you say that because Zayn doesn’t exactly agree,” Louis starts and Liam already knows that he’s lost. “In fact, he asked Harry to ask me to ask you what he did wrong. Sounded a bit gutted, in all honesty.” 

Liam stares at his glass for what feels like an eternity, silently wishing he could throw himself into a brick wall because he’s so fucking _stupid._ He’s ruined it like he knew he would and now Zayn thinks he did something wrong because Liam wasn’t able to get his shit together like he should have and just talked to him like a normal person. He still doesn’t know what he would say to Zayn, who obviously isn’t freaking out about this as much as Liam is, and Liam wonders if that’s all he’s doing, overreacting. They always told him that he was a worrier. He only worries so much because he cares and is that really a bad thing if he cares about Zayn more than Zayn cares about him and–

“Oi, you gonna answer the question or not?” Louis pulls him out of his train of thought as he enters the kitchen and leans against the counter across from Liam. “Or better yet, save it so you can tell Zayn in person what he did later because you’re–

"Zayn didn’t do anything,” Liam stutters out quickly. “It’s me, it’s my fault.” Liam looks at Louis with wide eyes.

 “Well yeah, I bloody know that don’t I?” He rolls his eyes at Liam. “So what’re you going to do about it?” Liam puts his glass in the sink and turns out of the kitchen with Louis following behind him. He walks into his bedroom and pulls off his shirt as Louis goes and sits on his bed. Liam surveys his closet before he turns to Louis.

 “I guess we’re going out tonight,” Liam says. He throws a balled up pair of pants in Louis’ face when he lets out a small cheer and jumps in the shower.

 

–

 

Liam’s hands are shaking when he enters the club behind Louis. He continuously wipes them on the material of his jeans, a nervous habit, and almost trips over his own feet into Louis’ back. He’s so nervous it’s laughable, which is confirmed when Louis turns around slightly irritated but mostly amused.

“Would you relax already?” Louis grips his shoulders tightly bringing them to a halt. 

“I am relaxed,” Liam says, giving his best effort to smile at Louis but he’s sure it resembles more of a grimace. 

“Then I’d hate to see you when you’re stressed,” Louis mumbles under his breath. He takes another look at Liam, who is anxiously biting his lip and rubbing the back of his neck, another nervous tick, one he picked up from, of course, Zayn. “I said relax already,” he says. “You’re acting like you’re going on a first date.” Liam chokes a little and Louis chuckles, wearing a smug expression that he’s had years of perfecting.

Louis drags Liam by the hem of his shirt to the far corner of the bar. They’re a few feet away when Liam hears a sudden burst rowdy laughter, no doubt belonging to his favorite Irishman, Niall. It carries clearly over the thumping bass and Liam finds it comforting. The easiness that Niall exudes, reaching him just as he and Louis stand in front of the three of them. Liam takes them all in, letting a small smile settle on his face. Louis was right, although he hates to admit, they all haven’t been together since before Christmas and it was already February. These are his boys, and it’s so familiar. Niall with his platinum blonde hair, roots freshly coloured, Harry with his shirt unbuttoned all the way down to his navel, leaving Liam wondering why he even bothered to wear it, and then there’s Zayn.

It always ends at Zayn.

Zayn, who looks good at anytime of day, looks especially stunning leaning against the bar in a tight, all black getup with his hair died a similar colour to Niall’s. He wonders when Zayn got it done. He also wonders how he allowed himself to miss it. His hair lays across his forehead un-styled and Liam has to force his hands into his pockets to prevent him from running his fingers through the other boy’s hair. Zayn’s finger traces over the stubble on his jawline over his bottom lip and Liam follows every movement with his eyes. Liam realizes he’s been staring as Louis finishes greeting all of them but he just can’t look away.

Zayn is yet to look back at him. (It’s kind of killing him.)

He hears a cough to his left, not sure from who but also not caring, as his gaze lingers on Zayn, who has taken it upon himself to thoroughly examine the bar top. It makes Liam tense again, fingers clenched into fists at his sides and his throat is suddenly extremely dry.

“Hi,” he chokes out, voice almost cracking and his face flushes in embarrassment. Zayn gives him a simple nod in return without looking up and Liam hears the shattering of his heart over the music. It’s not like he expected Zayn to forget it but, the way he acted so normal about things, Liam had hoped. Louis slips him a drink and without checking what it is, he downs half of it letting it burn down his throat.

“Great suggestion on coming out tonight Harold,” Louis starts, sensing the discomfort in the air, although Liam thinks that uneasiness is a little bit in his head.

“This place has the best music,” Harry says.

“And the best booze,” Niall chimes in, lips stretched into a cheeky grin.

“You say that at every bar Niall,” Louis retorts, ruffling the boy’s hair before taking another sip of his drink.

“Yeah but it’s different this time. The best drinks in town,” Niall responds. It’s Harry’s turn to laugh.

 “The only reason the drinks are special is because the bar tender actually flirts back,” Harry teases. Niall flips him off and Harry orders another drink from said bar tender as she passes by, laughing again when he sees Niall’s face flush.

 “That’s disgusting Harold,” Louis says, face scrunched up in disapproval. “If you’re going to order a drink at least make it strong, not some fruity shit.”

 “It’s cause I’m on a cleanse Louis,” Harry smirks and thanks the bartender before gulping down half of the glass. “Was feeling a bit gross and decided I needed a little pick me up.” Harry’s grin is light and young and Liam revels in the little bit of joy before he tunes out of the conversation and shifts his attention back on Zayn.

 Zayn is remarkably still, but his fingers betray him by twitching every so often and playing with loose threads at his sides. While Zayn’s not looking at him, Liam has a clear view of his profile and notices how Zayn’s neck is straining, his shoulders tight so Liam acts before he even thinks about what he’s doing. Handing his now empty glass to a stunned Louis, who was in the middle of recounting a his experience with an awful customer today, he grabs Zayn’s wrist and drags him out into the tightly packed dance floor before he can utter any sort of protest.

Once Liam gets them both towards an area of the floor where people are too busy eating each other’s faces to notice them, he spins Zayn around and pulls him in so that his back is pressed against Liam’s chest. He grips Zayn’s hips tightly and feels the smaller boy wince slightly at the touch. He hooks his chin over Zayn’s shoulder and feels him release a shaky breath while searching awkwardly for a place to put his hands before he settles one on Liam’s and the other behind Liam’s head. Zayn lets his head fall back slightly to rest on Liam’s shoulder and Liam feels Zayn’s rigid body relax and press back into his own. Liam takes it from there, letting the music flow through his body, moving his and Zayn’s hips along with the beat, enjoying the first easy moment he’s shared with Zayn all night. When the tempo changes quickly, Zayn stumbles a little before Liam’s grip tightens on him. Zayn let’s out a breathy chuckle, pressing himself more firmly to Liam’s front. He pretends the move doesn’t send a spark of arousal down his spine. Things get a bit dirtier from then.

They lose themselves in the music, Zayn’s eyes closed and Liam’s face pressed into his neck. The heat from the people around them covers them in a thin layer of sweat and their clothes stick to their bodies. Zayn soon gets a hang of the rhythm and pushes his hips back into Liam every so often, back arching and gently tugging at Liam’s hair. Liam presses his lips together, stopping the quiet moan from escaping him as he matches Zayn’s grinding with small thrusts of his own. Zayn gasps. His eyes flutter open for a moment before they close again and he turns his head so his lips rest against Liam’s jaw, mouthing words against his skin and Liam shivers at the sensation. He’s not going to pretend that he’s not hard because he knows Zayn can feel it. His hands travel from Zayn’s hips under his shirt, tracing the top of Zayn’s pants, cupping his hand over the tent in Zayn’s pants long enough for Zayn to rut up into his hand before he pulls away, teasingly moving his hand back up Zayn’s chest and resting it on Zayn’s stomach. Zayn lets out a whimper so quiet Liam thinks it never even happened, but he feels it. Zayn’s breathing has gotten shallower along his neck and Liam can’t get enough of the way Zayn feels under his fingertips.

They’ve fucked before so Liam at least knows Zayn’s attracted to him, and Zayn knows Liam wants him by the looks Liam gave him from the second they walked in. If they keep this up, this game that he’s not sure who started, he knows exactly where this is going. He’s worried, admittedly, because it’s obvious that Zayn doesn’t want Liam in the same way that he wants Zayn. At this point, he’s so desperate for Zayn, he’d take anything the other boy offered to him.

Suddenly Zayn spins around so that they’re chest to chest and wraps his arms around Liam’s neck. He tucks one leg between Liam’s and his head under Liam’s chin. Liam doesn’t hold back his moan this time now that they’re so close and practically rubbing off on each other in the middle of the club. This is a bad idea, he knows it’s a bad idea but Liam _wants_ it and he’s not really in the mood for thinking right now.

“This club is getting a bit boring, feel like leaving,” Liam whispers into Zayn’s ear. “Want to walk me home?” Zayn breathes out _yeah_ and Liam wraps an arm around his waist and leads them out the door.

 

–

 

When they finally reach Liam’s apartment, they’re giggling into each other’s mouths like drunk teenagers even though they both hardly had anything to drink. They’re full of chaste kisses and playful touches until Zayn falls back onto Liam’s bed. Their kisses get more desperate, Liam hastily shedding them of all their clothes then rejoining his lips with Zayn’s chest. Zayn whimpers, fingers digging into Liam’s biceps and he pulls back for a second, breathing hard. Sweaty, panting, and looking almost as wrecked as he is, Liam thinks Zayn has never looked more beautiful.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry this is so short. In all honesty I didn't even think the original fix was going to be this long. But as usual, please enjoy xx

 

Liam woke with an arm thrown over his stomach and Zayn’s head resting on his chest. He smiled and closed his eyes, glad that he was able to enjoy the warmth that Zayn provided rather than the usual frigid cold of winter that blanketed his bedroom every other morning. He longed to wake up to more mornings like this. Liam felt content for only a few more moments until a sudden alarm came over him.

They had to talk about this now. They’re in Liam’s room, so he couldn’t exactly leave Zayn and his panicking behind. It’s situations like this that Liam wished his body wasn’t so trained to waking up early, maybe then Zayn would have woken up before him and left Liam to his own regret and wallowing. There was nowhere for Liam to run. _What am I even running from,_ Liam thought.

He looked at Zayn, the object of his affection for years and yet he couldn’t get enough. He loved watching Zayn, no matter how creepy that made him sound. Liam realized very early that even when Zayn is silent, he’s saying something. The only way to hear it is to pay attention to him, and Liam doesn’t really have a problem with that. Zayn will walk into a room and demand your attention without asking for it. He’ll tell Liam about his bad day by leaning heavily onto Liam. Liam always listens.

Zayn is the same way for him. He cracks awful jokes that even Harry would cringe at just to pull a smile out of Liam. He rubs circles into the small of Liam’s back because he knows Liam needs things to be calm and someone to be an anchor and Zayn will always be that for Liam, no matter how many times he needs it. He can’t believe he’s going to lose all of that just because he can’t keep his hands to himself.

He decides that if he’s losing Zayn today, he’s going to do whatever he can to delay that. He hops out of bed quickly, rolling his eyes and chuckling quietly when Zayn doesn’t even stir, then proceeds to take a warm shower. He manages to not have a wank, not needing the extra guilt weighing him down at the moment.

When he gets out he hastily pulls on socks, sweats and a hoody to avoid the goose bumps already rising on his skin. He glances at a still sleeping Zayn on his bed before he heads to the kitchen to cook them both a breakfast. Maybe he could bribe Zayn to maybe not hate him with a plate full of pancakes. He starts making a pot of coffee for himself, and for when Zayn wakes up, in order to clear his head. Not that he’s hung over, like usually, but because he wants to be able to think clearly. They’re going to talk. They have to. No matter how much Liam is scared and how his stomach feels likes its dissolving in acid, it’s the only chance Liam has of actually keeping Zayn, 

Liam is sipping on his coffee with the stove warm and ready to cook when Zayn walks past him, dressed in his last night’s attire, blinking the sleep out of his eyes.

“Oh,” Zayn says. He’s frozen in place and Liam guiltily recognizes this scene. “You’re here.”

“Yeah, of course I am,” Liam says. “It’s kind of my flat.” Zayn gives him a blank look.

“Yeah I know that. I just thought you went to work of something,” Zayn shrugs. “The bed was cold when I woke up so I figured you were long gone already.”

“It’s a Saturday.” 

“Well you’ve been working a lot lately so how would I know what you’re schedule is,” Zayn mumbles. Liam feels like he’s losing him already.

“I’m making breakfast,” he supplies, hopeful it’s enough to put Zayn in a good mood. “You can sit down, it’ll be done really soon.”

“Actually I think it’d be better if I just–”

“Just stayed? Yeah, I think that’d work. Promise it’ll be done quickly,” Liam rushes out.

Zayn’s eyes flit around the room nervously, sparing Liam a mere half a second before drifting away again. He twiddles his thumbs like a grade student waiting outside the principal’s office yet Liam feels like he’s the one about to be punished.

“No I don’t think that’d work at all Liam. I think I need to leave,” Zayn says, his shoulders slumped lower than Liam’s ever seen them. Zayn starts for the door when Liam reaches for his arm.

Zayn pulls away as if Liam’s just burned him. His eyes are wide and he’s biting on his bottom lip so hard Liam’s surprised he doesn’t see any blood. “Please Zayn just–”

“No.” Zayn shakes his head quickly. He looks dazed, confused as he slowly takes a step away from Liam. “I just can’t.” Without another word Zayn turns on his heels and runs out of the door, hand already reaching for the pack of smokes in his pants.

Zayn’s gone. They didn’t talk. Somehow it all feels bittersweet.

 

–

 

Liam is sat on the couch, eating burnt pancakes and ignoring the coffee gone cold on the table, when Louis walks out of his room. Louis stretches his arms up over his head and scrunches his nose up in a yawn.

“That’s rude Liam,” Louis says as he plops down next to Liam and steals his plate away. Louis takes a bite before spitting it back onto the plate. “I was going to say it was rude to not make me breakfast but never mind.” He hands Liam the plate back.

“Good morning to you too,” Liam mumbles. He stares at it his, half chewed thanks to Louis, food for a few more moments before sighing and setting it down next to his coffee.

“So where’s Zayn?” Louis asks. Liam snaps his head, sending glares towards Louis’ smiling face.

“What’d you mean?” Louis rolls his eyes and brings his feet up to rest on Liam’s lap.

“C’mon Liam. As if you two weren’t practically fucking on the dance floor,” Louis says. Liam’s cheeks flood with colour and Louis jabs at his side. “And these walls aren’t exactly paper thin, in case you haven’t noticed.”

“We didn’t think anyone would notice.”

“Everyone noticed Liam. Just because you weren’t looking at them, it doesn’t mean they weren’t looking at you.” Liam scoffs.

“It wasn’t me they were looking at,” he murmurs. Louis makes a gagging noise and Liam glares at him harder.

“Oi spare me the love story and answer the question already. I figured I’d wake up and you two would be on your honeymoon by now,” Louis says. Liam grumbles about Louis’ heels digging into his thighs but he makes no effort to push them off. Louis hears him mutter something under his breath. “I’m sorry what was that?”

“I said he _left_ ,” Liam deadpans. “He left, okay. He woke up and walked out.”

“Before or after you woke up?”

“After.”

“Did he know you were awake?”

“Yes.”

“Did he tell you why he had to leave?”

“No,” Liam lets out a long exhale. “Probably just because he didn’t want to be here anymore.” Louis shakes his head.

“No but that doesn’t make sense,” Louis replies. “Did you try to get him to stay?” 

“Of course,” Liam groans and drops his head onto the back of the couch. He looks at Louis helplessly. “But, like, when I grabbed his arm, there was this look on his face that he’s never made at me and he pulled away so fast. I was just standing there wondering what I did while he ran away before I could process it.” Liam buries his face in his hands and lets out another groan.

“Wow. That must suck having the person you love leave even when you really wanted them to stay,” Louis says dryly. “Well at least you were awake and not still dead asleep like some people.” Liam almost tells him to piss off until he looks up at Louis who is serious and staring at him intently.

“So what’re you saying,” Liam asks.

“All I’m saying is that now you know how it feels. Imagine what it was like for Zayn to wake up realize you weren’t there?” Liam looks at him unbelievingly.

“Are you implying Zayn’s in love with me? Because that’s what you just said and I don’t appreciate your jokes right now Louis,” Liam grits out.

“I don’t appreciate your attitude because all I’m doing is telling you the truth. Just trust me on this,” he pats Liam on the back. “When have I ever been wrong?”

“I don’t exactly have time to make you a list.”

“Well I'm right this time,” Louis says and Liam holds back his scoff. “You’re the one that said this was going to be a one time thing.” Louis laughs and Liam actually shoves his feet away this time.

“He doesn’t love me.”

“I told you to talk to him.”

“I _was_ going to talk to him.”

“It doesn’t work if you talk after you fuck,” Louis explains. “Otherwise you’re both already distracted.” Liam lays himself out over Louis this time and Louis cards his fingers through his hair.

“What if he never talks to me again,” Liam asks. Louis looks down at him with genuine sympathy and Liam feels worse than ever before.

 “Then you talk to him, obviously.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? Next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading loves xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I can't apologize enough for how long it's been since I've updated and literally I'm so mad cause this fic isn't even that long. I'm so sorry.
> 
> But in celebration of Zayn's pretty much releasing everything on one day, I release to you the second to last chapter. Fair warning, the next chapter is mostly resolution. (And maybe a smut scene, who knows?) 
> 
> Thank you to those who have waited patiently (even though you've all probably forgotten it by now)
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy xxx

Obviously.

Contrary to what Louis said, the answer to Liam’s problem is not _obvious._ Zayn won’t even stay in the same room as him, let alone allow Liam the chance to speak to him. Zayn’s not really subtle in the way he ignores Liam, but he reckons he deserves it, with what he put Zayn through for an entire month. Liam’s positive he can get through this week, for the most part.

For the most part.

Even though everyday drags together and nothing seems really important. He wakes up, goes to work, comes home, and repeats. He barely has enough energy in the morning to muster up a smile for Louis as he leaves the flat. Come Thursday, he’s dead on his feet. He’s just finished taking a shower when his phone rings. Confused, since the only person who could call is Louis but he’s at work, he tightens his towel around his waist and picks up his mobile. He groans when he sees who it is.

“Harry listen–" 

“What did you do?” Harry states and Liam scoffs at his friend’s disregard for basic manners.

“Hello to you to sunshine. How was your day?” Liam mimics the cheeriness Harry usually greets him with. This time Harry is the one to scoff. 

“Give me a break, this week has been hell. I’ve already put up with Zayn’s mood and I don’t want yours,” Harry practically barks at him.

“Why is Zayn in a mood?”

“Why do you think I called you?” Liam sighs. His skin itches with nerves, or stress from Harry’s upcoming interrogation.

“Why me?” He asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“He only gets like this when it’s important and you’re the most important person to him.” Harry waits patiently for Liam to respond to him. He hears the other lad groan and shuffle around a bit before he begins to talk.

“What if I told you I really didn’t know?” Liam sighs. “Like I know something is wrong but I don’t even know what I did wrong so I don’t know what to apologize for.”

 “Did you try to ask him?”

 "Well, yeah sort of,” Liam shrugs, “then I got distracted.” Liam’s so thankful that Harry can’t see the sudden flush in his cheeks. He hears Harry distant grunt in agreement and he shoves down the unreasonable flare of jealousy.

 “Whatever, I’m putting an end to this whether you both like it or not. Party, tomorrow night, Nick’s place. You _both_ are going to be there,” Harry states. Liam rolls his eyes. “I felt that Payne.”

 “I still have to work tomorrow Haz,” Liam huffs. “What makes you think Zayn will even be there?” Harry snorts.

 “I’ll make sure of it,” Harry smiles. “C’mon _Leeyum,_ don’t you wanna see your boy happy again?” Liam wants to complain about how unfair that is, cause Zayn isn’t _his boy_ (no matter how much he wants that to be true), but Harry already knows he’s got Liam to agree.

 “Yeah, yeah alright,” Liam murmurs. “What time?” He hears Harry cheer. He’s been spending too much time with Louis.

 “Party starts at nine, don’t be late. Bye Li, love you, see you,” Harry rushes out and hangs up abruptly. Liam groans and flops face down on his bed.

 He only has a day to prepare to see Zayn and figure out what exactly he’s going to say. He wants to apologize, even if he’s still confused, cause he’d rather stomp all over his pride than let his best friend go. Then the thought crosses his mind – maybe Zayn wants to let him go?

 Maybe he knows about Liam’s feelings and doesn’t feel the same way, that’s why he left. Maybe Zayn doesn’t want to see Liam at all anymore. If he’d dismiss Liam the second he tried to approach him and call Liam a creep. He then feels guilty because that’s not the kind of person Zayn is. Zayn, despite his cold exterior with the tattoos and smoking, is too kind to blatantly tell someone he cares about (or used to care about) to fuck off.

 His conversation with Louis rings in his mind. _That must suck having the person you love leave even when you really wanted them to stay._ He’s always known that Zayn loved him somehow, but it was never in the way Liam craved to be. It’s so easy to fall for Zayn, with his charm and his intelligence and array of talents, but could Zayn fall for _him_?

He’s nervous enough that his palms sweat just thinking about it, but he can’t ignore the glimmer of hope that he feels thinking that when he sees Zayn again the other lad will to flash him a brilliant grin with his nose scrunched up and tongue poking at the back of his teeth. Then everything will be okay again. He can have his best friend back (maybe even more).

 He hopes.

 

 

–

 

The party sucks. Nick would have his head if he said that out loud. Granted the music is good, people are actually socializing and not just humping each other in the middle of the room, and the drink he’s been nursing doesn’t taste bad at all.

 But he’s been here for an _hour_ , and he’s yet to see any sign of Zayn. He hasn’t even finished one beer yet because he wanted to talk to Zayn sober, but the more he waits the more his anxiety tells him one beer isn’t going to be enough. He stays in the far corner of the room, closest to the bathroom, and scans the crowd again. Across the room he spots a patch of bright blonde hair across the room that he recognizes as Niall’s standing next to a man with buzzed hair. Then the man turns and–

 When did Zayn have the time to cut all his hair off? How is it possible that Zayn looks just as good as he did with his blonde quiff? Liam gulps and watches their conversation. Zayn says something that has Niall bent over in laughter while he remains mildly amused. Zayn doesn’t look too drunk, but Niall looks like he’s drank his weight in alcohol already.

 Liam abandons his drink on the nearest shelf and makes his way over, doing his best to not push through people’s conversations, but he’s sort of on a mission. When he gets there Zayn is leaning against the wall and Niall looks up to see Liam approaching. Niall gives him a small thumbs-up and motions to Zayn that he’s going to get another drink. Zayn turns right as Liam slides next to him on the wall.

 Liam shifts from side to side. “Hi,” he stutters. Zayn’s eyes scan over the crowd before they turn to Liam, offering a slight nod, then returning to the crowd. Liam takes a deep breath.

 “Louis said you loved me.” Liam wants to shove the words back down his throat the second he realizes he spit them out. “Well not like, exactly, but he implied it.”

 Zayn stares into the cup in his hand. He swirls the liquid around a few times before taking a sip and scrunching his nose up. “Louis says a lot of shit,” he mumbles. Liam’s heart beats loudly against his ribs, unsure if he should continue or not.

 “I just wanted to, like, let you know that if you did, like, love me or whatever,” Liam murmurs, “then I wouldn’t mind that too much.” Liam grins at the top of Zayn’s head, the older boy still refusing to look at him. “Actually I reckon I’d be pretty happy if you did.”

 Liam’s grin drops a little the longer Zayn stays silent. He scrambles for an excuse to leave, now that everything he’s just admitted is weighing heavily in the air and he contemplates what Zayn must be thinking when Zayn tilts his head up to observe him.

 “Why?”

 Liam chokes, awkwardness seeping into every open gap in the conversation. “What?” he squawks.

 “If I loved you, why would you be happy?” Zayn appears calm. Liam thinks he imagined the moment vulnerability that flashed through Zayn’s eyes. Liam takes a deep breath.

 “Because I kind of love you too.”

 Zayn studies him, his calculating gaze causing his hairs on his arms to raise. He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocks back and forth. “Really?”

 He nods and leans his shoulder on the wall. Zayn doesn’t look like he believes him.

 “You didn’t have to leave then. I mean even if you didn’t,” Zayn pauses, eyebrows pushed together, his words stuck in his throat, “love me.” Zayn shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “You could’ve stayed and just chilled.”

 “Yeah I know, I just–” Liam huffs in frustration, “I panicked.” His fists clench with the need to reach out and pull Zayn closer to him. “Look I just thought that’s what I was supposed to do, you know? Louis always tells me that if you end up hooking up with some random bloke then you better make sure you wake up before them.” Zayn winces and Liam realizes what he’s just said. He sighs. “You know that’s not what I meant–”

 “Liam I just,” Zayn shrugs and drops his shoulders with a harsh sigh. “Is that all I am then, some random bloke?” Zayn’s head drops and his hand rubs across his chest. His jaw tenses and Liam is his suddenly aware of how they’re still standing a mere few inches apart.

 Liam takes a small step forward so their hips almost touch. He cups the sides of Zayn’s head so Zayn looks him in the eye. With the lights of the party so low its hard to see but Liam has traced the features of Zayn’s face enough times to know how plump yet chapped his lips are. He’s familiar with the feeling of the pad of his thumb rubbing over Zayn’s stubble. Up close Zayn looks sick, like he hasn’t got a proper night’s sleep in a long time.

 Liam wants nothing more than to change that.

He presses his lips against Zayn’s, gently but hard enough that Liam is able to pour whatever he’s feeling into the kiss, not moving even when Zayn’s body relaxes against his. They don’t take the kiss further than that but it’s enough to set Liam’s skin on fire. They pull apart only so that their foreheads press together. Zayn brings a hand up to cover Liam’s, eyes still closed, and presses his cheek into Liam’s palm.

“Hey,” he says. “I love you.” 

Zayn opens his eyes and looks up at Liam from under his eyelashes. Liam’s not that much taller but Zayn feels so much smaller in this moment. He means it with every ounce of his being. The want to protect Zayn from the world and hold him like this forever is so strong. Zayn searches his eyes, the first eye contact they’ve held in too long. He must find whatever he’s looking for because a smile stretches across his face and he nods once, placing another peck to Liam’s lips. Liam can’t help but smile back.

When Niall returns with his drink Zayn has his arms wrapped around Liam’s neck and Liam has Zayn pulled close with his hands on Zayn’s hips. Their lips are puffy and red as they sway with the bass. Niall takes one look at them and walks away. They don’t spare him a glance.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When can I stop apologizing because this probably is too short for such a long wait. I don't even blame you if you gave up on this story. But it's finally here and we are coming to a close. This is the last chapter before the epilogue. I sincerely hope you enjoy reading this xx

Liam is rudely awoken by a loud Louis screaming in his ear to get up, which after a moment of consideration is confusing because he’s pretty sure he and Zayn feel asleep at  _ Zayn’s  _ flat, not his own. 

“For the last time, wake up Payno or I’m eating your breakfast,” Louis warns before he slams a pillow into Liam’s face. 

Liam grunts and moves to throw it back but Louis is already out of the room. Liam rubs the sleep away from his eyes for a second before his head falls back onto his pillow. The numbness in his arm alerts him to the sleeping boy next to him. He smiles softly and glances at the clock on Zayn’s bedside. He shifts slightly so he can tuck Zayn closer into his body. Regretfully, he rubs the back of his hand over Zayn’s face, coaxing him with soft encouragement to wake up. Zayn only makes a soft sound in the back of his throat and nuzzles further into Liam. Liam sighs, fighting the grin on his face as he noses against Zayn’s forehead. 

“Gotta get up babe,” he whispers. Zayn murmurs something he can’t understand. “It’s almost noon and Louis is right outside.” Zayn groans loudly and sluggishly pulls himself away from Liam. 

Truthfully, Liam is just as unwilling to move from his spot next to Zayn. This may not be the first time he’s gotten to wake up next to the beautiful boy, but it is the first time he’s been able to enjoy his sleep-softened features and disheveled hair. (He even finds the dried trail of drool on Zayn’s cheek a little bit endearing, which he realizes is extremely disgusting.) 

He pushes himself off the bed, chuckling when Zayn attempts to pull him back under the duvet, and moves to find a pair of sweats to change into. He goes to brush his teeth and wash his face in the hopes that Zayn will find it in himself to get dressed before he returns. 

When Liam enters the room again Zayn is changed into a fresh pair of sweats and throws Liam his own. Liam pulls them on quickly and dries his hair with a towel, then chucks it into the laundry basket. Zayn stands up with a yawn and slowly shuffles over to Liam. The sleepy lad slides his arms around Liam’s waist and the latter presses a kiss to the top of his head. Liam cups the sides of Zayn’s head in his palms and presses their foreheads together. They savor the moment, breath in and out together, unwilling to pull away until they hear a crash and Niall’s loud laughter. A small groan slips out from Liam’s lips while Zayn rubs soothing circles onto the small of his back. 

“You ready to face them?” Zayn asks quietly. Liam gives him an affirmative peck on the lips before twining their fingers together and leading them out into the real world (the world where Louis Tomlinson, also known as  _ the devil _ , exists).

They walk into the kitchen to discover Harry and Louis arguing over who has to clean up the mess while Niall carelessly munches on some toast. Liam rolls his eyes and pushes past the two idiots to grab his and Zayn’s plates and carries them to the table. Zayn makes two cups of juice and carries them right behind Liam.The rest of the lads subsequently stop their arguing and follow with their own plates. Liam takes small bites of his food and Zayn covers his mouth for another yawn. The other boys exchange a few glances. Louis is unsurprisingly the first one to talk. 

"So how was it?" Louis asks, eyes twinkling with mischief. Niall giggles and Harry nudges Louis side.  _ You said we were going to wait till after they ate.  _ Louis shakes him off. 

"How was what?" Liam questions as he takes a sip from his orange juice, not batting an eye when Zayn steals a bite of eggs from his plate. Louis raises his eyebrows and Harry tries to cover his giggling with a hand. 

“C’mon Leemo, do ya really want us to spell it out?” Niall asks through bites of his food. Liam still looks innocent, genuine confusion settled on his face. 

“Babe,” Zayn mutters while rubbing Liam’s knee. Liam hums in response. Zayn gives Liam a look and watches Liam’s eyes widen comically as the realization dawns on him. His face flushes and Zayn fights a grin when he hears the other lads choking on their laughter. 

“So now that we’re clear on that,” Louis says, “I’m going to ask again. How was the ‘congratulations we’re finally official’ sex?  And more importantly, do we have to avoid any areas of the house for the next few days?” Niall and Harry nod along attentively. 

Liam stares at Louis with a look of horror. Zayn snorts softly, rolling his eyes in amusement. He decides to save Liam from further embarrassment. “We didn’t.”

The boys whip their heads to look at him. The tension seeps out of Liam’s shoulders and he sends Zayn a grateful look. 

“But if there is somewhere you should avoid it’s my flat because last time I checked, I didn’t invite you in,” Zayn grins. Louis scowls at him. 

"You didn't-"

"What do you mean you-"

"Are you fucking kidding-"

The lads cry out at the same time and Zayn sits back in his seat calmly, removing his hand from Liam’s knee and replacing the movement with his foot against Liam’s ankle. 

“How could you not have fucked last night?” Louis demands.

“Not that we’re not grateful for it,” Harry buts in.

“But you’ve literally been married for years!” Louis exclaims. Niall points a finger at Louis and nods his head in agreement. This time Liam shrugs his shoulders. 

“We just came home and went to sleep. Nothing else really even happened. We didn’t even get a chance to talk,” Liam explains. Zayn has to fight the smile on his face when Liam calls his flat  _ home.  _ Louis scoffs. 

“Of course you two haven’t even ‘talked’ yet. That’s your specialty isn’t it, not  _ talking.  _ Fucks sake, how many times I’ve had to listen to you two complain…” Louis mutters under his breath. He stands up from the table, taking one last sip of his coffee, and drags Niall and Harry out of their chairs despite their protests. “C’mon lads. We gotta give them time to  _ talk. _ ” Niall follows obediently and Harry waves at them happily before closing the front door behind him. Zayn stands up and locks the door, turning around and leaning back on it. He shoots Liam a grin and Liam raises an eyebrow while taking another bite of his food. Zayn bursts into laughter and Liam feels something warm rise in his chest. 

“I didn’t mean it, like, suggestively,” Zayn says once he’s composed himself. “We can do whatever, I just didn’t want them to come back uninvited again” Liam nods and motions for Zayn to come back. Once he’s close enough Liam grabs Zayn’s hips and pulls the smaller lad on top of him. Liam nuzzles the back of his neck and Zayn snorts. 

“You know, I wasn’t trying to be suggestive but you seem to be contradicting that,” Zayn says through a smirk and Liam smothers his laugh into Zayn’s neck. 

“No,” Liam says. “I’m not trying to get into your pants...yet.” Zayn chokes and slaps the arm Liam has around his waist. “I’m joking. I just wanted you to be closer cause you were too far away.” Zayn smiles wide, nose wrinkling and he tangles their hands together. 

“I guess now is the time to talk,” Zayn sighs.

“Didn’t we do that last night at the party?” Liam kisses Zayn’s jaw. 

“I guess. I don’t know, there are just some things that I’ve been thinking about,” Zayn trails off as he finishes the sentence. 

“Okay then, tell me what that pretty head of yours is thinking,” Liam murmurs. 

“You said you love me.” Liam nods. “Did you mean it?” Liam pulls back from Zayn and sees the other boy frowning slightly.

“With all my heart,” Liam reassures gently. He runs a finger under Zayn’s chin coaxing a small smile from the boy. “Do you love me?” Liam asks, only slightly nervous. 

“Of course,” Zayn exclaims, squeezing his hand firmly. “Have since the day I met you, you doof.” Zayn rubs Liam’s head and Liam feels like he should be more surprised. Except, he’s pretty sure the same thing happened to him, he just didn’t realize it until later.

“Okay then,” Liam concludes. “I just have one more question for you.”

“And what is that?” Zayn says, leaning in for a kiss.

“Will you go on a date with me?” Liam asks, grinning against Zayn’s lips. 

Zayn blushes but nods, Liam laughs and pulls him in for a hug.

 

-

 

“Y-You didn’t have to do this Liam,” Zayn stutters out, playing with the cuffs of red his button down. He feels like a sore thumb in the middle of five-star restaurant Liam chose for their first date. He’s not even sure how Liam managed to get a reservation. It’s so elegant with chandeliers dangling overhead and candles in the middle of their table. 

“Seriously. We could’ve just stayed home and cuddled while watching a movie or something,” Zayn rambles on. Liam hums and grabs Zayn’s hand from across the table. 

“ I wanted to,” Liam says before kissing Zayn’s knuckles. “And anyways, we always do that together. Like every day. So I wanted to do something cheesy so it would make our time together special.” Zayn looks at him fondly.

“Every time with you feels special,” Zayn admits. Liam flushes and it’s Zayn’s turn to chuckle. 

They sip wine and laugh, talking as if they hadn’t spent the past month or so apart. When the food arrives Zayn waits until the waiter leaves to scoff at the tiny plate in front of him. Liam glances at him curiously 

“I could’ve cooked us a better meal than this,” Zayn grumbles to himself but picks up his fork anyway.

“I thought you said every time with me was special,” Liam says teasingly. 

“Yeah but that doesn’t make this plate any bigger,” Zayn retorts and Liam laughs so loud it draws a few glares from a few other customers.

The meal goes by quickly (too quick if you ask Zayn), and before they know it they’re walking back to Liam’s flat holding hands and giggling as if they were drunk. The only thing really intoxicating is the way Liam feels when Zayn looks at him, light in his eyes and warmth radiating from his smile. 

When they reach Liam’s front door he pauses. Zayn stops behind him and Liam turns around abruptly. 

“Everything okay?” Zayn asks worriedly. Liam nods quickly, stepping forward to grab Zayn’s hips and bring them closer. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, I was just thinking too like, I’ve felt like this for so long. I’ve loved you for so long and i could have had this with you for  _ so long.  _ I was just too blind to realize it. And even after I did, I was a coward, and I ran. I was so afraid of losing you that I threw any chance I had away. How could I be so stupid as to run away from the one person who makes me feel like this?” Zayn opens his mouth to interject but Liam shakes his head. “I was dumb Zayn. I let my fear hurt the both of us. But you make me  _ indescribably  _ happy Zayn. I could float away with how happy you make me if my hand wasn’t in yours. I was afraid. I was scared that I would lose the most important thing to me. You." Zayn’s eyes are shining again, misty and holding back tears. 

  
“As long as I’m with you, Zayn, I promise you, I’ll never be afraid.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, hate me for taking so long cause I do too. At least it's finally over cause this is the epilogue. This has been my longest piece of work by far and I'm a little proud of it (even though I procrastinated epically and I suck at writing but whatever). Thank you to people who have subscribed and who have continued to read this even though I took forever. I appreciate every reader. I currently have another work in progress, so keep a look out for it. It's a Percy Jackson AU of sorts (oooh aaah). Anyways, thank you very much for reading this. Please enjoy xx
> 
> P.S. There is smut. I'm a disgrace.

**_2 months later_ **

It's been two months with Zayn, almost three, and Liam is so happy. Nothing much has changed, they hang out almost every night as usual, cuddle together as usual. The only difference is that he freely kisses Zayn whenever he wants, especially when Zayn looks extra adorable (or delicious) and the thought alone makes Liam grin like a fool. Moments with Zayn are the highlights of his life, from their groggy mornings with Liam waking Zayn up with tickles and the lad desperately begging Liam to stop, to their almost stilted late night conversations with Liam willing his eyelids to stay open a little bit longer to soak up the peaceful look on Zayn's face. He appreciates every minute of it. 

And as happy as Liam is, he's so  _ fucking  _ frustrated. 

It's been about three months since Liam's had sex, and he feels like an absolute douche for missing it so bad. He really can't help it though.

After their first real date, there had been some sort of unspoken agreement that they would wait to have sex, a fact that Louis will never stop teasing them about. They would wait until their relationship was solid (even though Liam knew Zayn's the one but that's a little too early to drop that bomb). Liam had been ready for sex after about a week with Zayn constantly licking and biting his lip and wearing obscenely low joggers around the house.

But he knew Zayn needed them to wait, for his sake. Zayn needed to know that they were going to be more than "fuck buddies" as Niall so elegantly put it. Their relationship had, after all, started because they had sex. And Liam understood that, so he could wait as long as Zayn needed.

A right hand can only do so much for so long, Liam thinks.

It wouldn't be much of a problem if Liam didn't already know what it felt like to be with Zayn. If he didn't know what the smooth planes of muscle felt like under his fingertips or how good Zayn looked with bruised lips and ruffled hair. Liam's dreams are plagued with memories of him fucking Zayn, easing in and out of his tight, wet hole and groaning at the pleasure he felt, waking up embarrassingly with morning wood that he's sure Zayn notices but never pointed out. He’s sadly gotten used to sneaking a wank in the shower.

But tonight feels ...  _ different _ .

Liam feels this buzz underneath his skin that makes him feel strung tight like a rubber band pulled too far, ready to snap. It's been a week since he's gotten off (yes he's pathetic) and Zayn has been more handsy than he usually is. 

When they were eating breakfast Zayn was rubbing his foot up Liam's calf. When they went to get lunch Zayn was constantly rubbing his hip,  _ underneath _ his shirt. Now watching a movie, Zayn has literally not stopped touching him. Their sides are connected at every possible point of contact and Zayn's hand has been testing Liam's self control for a good hour now, with his insistent rubbing on the inside of Liam's thigh. His skin burns where Zayn's fingers drum along the inner seam of Liam's jeans. Liam's breath catches every time Zayn's hand roams up _ so close _ but then he pulls away and Liam has to stifle a groan and pretend to be paying attention to the movie. He doesn't even know what movie they're watching but Zayn is deeply invested in it and doesn't even seem to acknowledge how he's torturing Liam.

The screen casts a blue grow across the dark room, creating shadows across Zayn’s face that highlight his cheekbones and jaw. Zayn’s profile makes him look like a sculpture, delicate and fragile yet beautiful and expertly crafted. Liam wants him so much. 

He leans in closer, pressing his lips to Zayn’s temple and trailing them along his jaw down to his lips. Zayn politely kisses Liam back before pulling away and returning his attention back the the screen, eyes wide hanging on to every word out of the characters’ mouths. Liam groans and pouts, letting his head fall forward onto Zayn’s shoulder. Zayn chuckles and thankfully brings his hand from Liam’s thigh to thread through Liam’s hair. 

“Just a little bit longer babe and then I’ll kiss you all you want,” Zayn says. Liam ignores the way his cock twitches.

“I wanna do a little more than just kiss you,” Liam mumbles. He pulls away to see the blush rise on Zayn’s cheeks. Zayn quickly looks away from Liam’s gaze and Liam chastises himself for making such a good night uncomfortable. Liam reaches for the remote and shuts of the television, Zayn doesn’t bother to stop him. He grabs hold of Zayn’s waist and pulls him to his side. Liam sighs and noses the side of Zayn’s head.

“I know we didn’t talk about it,” Liam whispers, “but I’ll wait as long as you need me too. I told you I love you and I meant it." Zayn freezes but Liam keeps going. 

"I'm not just with you for sex, even if sex with you is fucking  _ amazing _ . I'm with you because you're amazing and and I can't get enough of how brilliant you are. I'm so lucky to have you. I'd do anything for you." Liam is positively overflowing with affection for this beautiful boy in front of him. He's pretty sure his heart almost exploded when Zayn ducks his head to hide his flushed face from Liam's gaze. Zayn finally raises his head he looks confused. Liam takes the opportunity to coo at how cute he looks. 

"I'm really glad to hear you say that Li," Zayn starts slowly, "but I've been ready for, like, a month now." 

Liam stills. He fishes for something to say but his mind goes blank when he notices the spark of lust in Zayn’s eyes. Zayn giggles and tickles his fingers up Liam’s side. 

“I just didn’t want to start anything with you because I thought that you wanted to take it slow. Like a gentleman or something,” Zayn shrugs. All it takes are Zayn’s hands sneaking under Liam’s shirt for him to push Zayn back so he’s lying underneath him. Liam smothers Zayn’s surprised yelp with a searing kiss. 

“I really love you,” Liam kisses along Zayn’s jaw. “Can’t wait to be in you.”

Zayn moans, Liam’s words making him dizzy with want. He bucks his hips upward searching for any type of friction as Liam sucks a bruise in the space between his neck and his shoulder. He whines when Liam pulls away but cuts it off quickly once he sees Liam strip off his shirt and start to undo his pants. Zayn throws his shirt somewhere, lifts his hips slightly and slips off his sweats and underwear in one motion. He leans up to kiss Liam, one hand along the side of his face and the other palming the growing bulge in Liam’s shorts. Liam groans as Zayn mouths at the head of his cock through the material. Liam’s stomach tightens at the contact but he gently pushes Zayn’s mouth away. The lad whines but Liam placates him with another kiss. He pulls away and rubs his thumb along the spit-slicked bottom lip. Zayn immediately sucks the digit into his mouth and hollows his cheeks.

“Fuck baby not tonight,” Liam groans. “Tonight I just want to fuck that pretty little arse of yours.” Liam emphasizes with a squeeze to Zayn’s bum and Zayn whimpers around Liam’s finger. Without warning Liam pulls his thumb away and picks Zayn up to carry him to the bedroom. Zayn’s constant grinding against Liam’s cock and the moans he releases every time the head catches on the rim cause Liam to bump into a few walls. 

They finally make it to the room, Liam carefully tossing Zayn onto the bed and grabbing some lube and condoms from the bedside table. Liam drizzles a generous amount of lube over his fingers. He warms up the gel with his fingertips when he hears Zayn mumble something. 

“What was that?” Zayn sighs, his shoulders are tense like he’s thinking too much. 

“I said,” Zayn pauses, “I haven’t been with anyone. Not since you.”

Liam leans forward to press his sweaty forehead against Zayn’s. “Me neither. Not anyone but you.” He circles a finger around Zayn’s entrance and rubs Zayn’s hip with the other hand. He feels  Zayn smile as some of the tension seeps out of him.

“How do you want it Zaynie?” Liam asks. Zayn gasps when Liam eases the first finger in and grips onto Liam’s shoulder. “Do you want it hard? Want me to leave bruises on that little bum of yours? Fuck you so hard you can’t sit down properly tomorrow?” Zayn shivers when Liam drags two fingers in and out of Zayn, lightly scissoring so Zayn can accommodate his cock. His panting a background for Liam’s words. “Or do you want it slow? Make you feel every inch of me fill you up. Make you dream about my cock opening you up like this.” With three fingers Liam finds that bundle of nerves that causes Zayn to moan and arch his back almost painfully. He nods quickly.

“Yeah,” Zayn breathes. “Wanna go slow. Want you to make love to me.” His thighs are quivering and his hands are wound tightly in the sheets. Liam’s dick aches with the need to be inside this beautiful boy in front of him. Liam nods. He puts the condom on and rubs the excess lube over his cock. He throws one of Zayn’s legs over his shoulder and leans forward. He distracts Zayn with kisses while teasing the head of his cock over Zayn’s crack before finally catching on the rim and pushing inside. Liam wraps Zayn’s legs around his waist and rests his forearms above Zayn’s head, trapping the lad underneath him. They breathe slowly, Zayn telling himself to relax and Liam trying to stop his hips from bucking forward into the tight warmth surrounding him. Once Liam feels Zayn relax around him he pulls back and thrusts forward again, Zayn letting out a burst of air like his breath was fucked out of him.

“Open your eyes,” Liam says when he grinds his hips into Zayn. “I want to look at you when I make love to you.” Zayn’s lashes flutter against his cheeks until Liam is able to look into those hazel orbs, pupils blown with lust. He can’t look away. 

Liam continues to pull out slowly and snap his hips forward while Zayn lets out little grunts and broken off moans. Zayn’s fingernails are digging into his back but Liam ignores the pain in favor of watching Zayn, mouth slightly open and skin covered in a light layer of sweat. He feels the familiar warmth build in his stomach. He reaches down to wrap a hand around Zayn while he picks up the pace. Zayn grinds back against Liam’s thrusts, mouths still pressed together but too out of it to continue kissing. 

“Harder, ‘m close,” Zayn moans and Liam makes his thrusts sharper, hitting Zayn’s spot with every thrust and tugging at his dick. Their heavy breathing mixes with the slap of skin on skin. Liam’s back aches and his lungs burn but Zayn squeezes around him and his vision goes white. He groans and shuts his eyes tightly as he spills into the condom. 

When Liam clears the fog surrounding his mind, he strips off the condom, knots it and tosses it to the side. He refocuses on Zayn, squirming on the bed and chest heaving, dick an angry red with the need to cum. Without warning Liam takes Zayn’s cock into his mouth, ignoring Zayn’s shout of surprise, not stopping until his nose is pressed against Zayn’s lower stomach. Liam relaxes his jaw, tells himself to breath through his nose, and pulls off Zayn’s dick to lick around the head. He tongues the slit, making eye contact with Zayn who groans and runs his fingers through Liam’s hair. Gently, Liam pinches the crown with his thumb and pointer finger and suckles at the head. He uses his other hand to rub his thumb over Zayn’s sensitive hole. Zayn sucks in a breath and Liam opens his mouth to catch the sticky strands of Zayn’s cum on his tongue while his hand milks out Zayn’s orgasm. His groan matches Zayn’s when Zayn’s fingers pull hard on his scalp, before soothing them. Liam licks at Zayn’s spent cock until the older lad is pushing him away. 

Liam shuffles up the bed while wiping the cum off his chin. He’s about to wipe it on the sheets somewhere but Zayn steals his finger and sucks it into his mouth like earlier, eager tongue licking up the traces of his own orgasm. Liam groans as his cock gives an interested twitch but he pulls his thumb away and pokes Zayn in the cheek.

“Stop,” Liam whines and Zayn gives him a small smile, shifting onto his side. Liam moves closer to press his chest against Zayn’s back. He reaches an arm around and laces his fingers with Zayn’s. He ignores the tackiness and sweat between them. 

“We’re disgusting and my body aches like a bitch. We need to shower,” Liam mumbles without much conviction. Zayn hums.

“Maybe later. Sleep first.” Zayn closes his eyes and rubs his thumb along Liam’s knuckles. Liam presses a kiss to Zayn’s shoulder.

“Love you.”

"Love you too, Li."

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think? Next chapter will be up soon. Thanks for reading loves xx


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